AITA for Refusing to Watch My Roommate’s Baby?

Feeling like YATA for Check out our quick advice if you really are or not. But before that, let's read first a similar story to reflect on from .

It all started when my roommate, Sarah, approached me with an unusual request. She had been living with me for several months, and we had always gotten along quite well.

However, this particular request left me in a moral dilemma, prompting me to question whether I was being unreasonable or justified in refusing.

This is the story of the incident that had me wondering, “Am I the Asshole?”


Our Living Situation

Sarah and I were both college students living together in a modest two-bedroom apartment. We were friendly, but our friendship was primarily built on a mutual understanding of privacy and respect for each other’s space.

Our schedules rarely aligned, which meant we rarely interacted except for the occasional friendly chat in the kitchen.

The Baby Bombshell

One day, out of the blue, Sarah dropped a bombshell on me. She had recently given birth to a beautiful baby girl, Lily. I was genuinely happy for her and congratulated her on this life-changing event.

But then, she followed up with a request that left me utterly surprised. She asked if I could watch Lily while she ran some errands, went to classes, or simply needed a break.

My Initial Reaction

My first reaction was one of shock. We had never discussed childcare responsibilities, and I had no experience or interest in babysitting. I was deeply involved in my studies, had a part-time job, and cherished the little free time I had.

I had also never been particularly fond of children, and the idea of caring for a baby was overwhelming.

The Situation

The Request

Sarah explained that her family lived in another state, and she had limited support in the area. She was struggling to juggle her classes, part-time job, and baby care.

Her request was clear: she wanted me to take care of Lily for a few hours, a few times a week, whenever her responsibilities clashed with her motherly duties.

My Dilemma

I found myself in a difficult spot. I wanted to be supportive of my roommate, especially in such a life-altering situation, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was not something I had signed up for when we agreed to live together.

I had concerns about my ability to provide adequate care for a baby, not to mention how it would impact my own responsibilities and daily routine.

The Balancing Act

On one hand, I felt sympathy for Sarah, who was clearly overwhelmed and seeking help. But on the other hand, I couldn’t ignore the weight of my own commitments.

My classes were demanding, and my job paid for my education, so I couldn’t afford to compromise my performance there.


I decided to have an open and honest conversation with Sarah. I expressed my concerns and reservations about babysitting. I told her that I didn’t think I was the right person for the job, given my inexperience and busy schedule.

I also proposed that we explore other solutions, like hiring a professional babysitter or seeking assistance from local resources.

Sarah’s Response

Sarah didn’t take my refusal well. She was visibly upset and felt let down by my reluctance to help. She argued that we were roommates, and roommates help each other out in times of need.

She also emphasized how challenging it was for her to find reliable and affordable childcare.

The Moral Dilemma

As the days passed, I couldn’t help but wrestle with my conscience. I felt torn between my desire to be a good friend and roommate and my need to maintain my own life and responsibilities.

Sarah’s request had put me in a situation where I had to make a choice, and neither option seemed entirely right.

Am I the Asshole?

So, am I the asshole for refusing to watch my roommate’s baby? I’ve tried to examine both sides of the situation:

On One Hand:

  1. I had no prior agreement or expectation of childcare responsibilities when we became roommates.
  2. Babysitting was not something I felt comfortable or capable of doing.
  3. I had my own academic and work commitments to uphold.

On the Other Hand:

  1. Sarah was in a tough situation, and her request was driven by genuine need.
  2. We were roommates, and helping each other out in times of need is part of the unspoken roommate code.
  3. Finding reliable and affordable childcare was a challenge for her, given her circumstances.

In the end, it’s a matter of perspective. Some might argue that I should have stepped up to help my roommate in her time of need, while others might say that I had valid reasons for refusing.

What do you think? Am I the asshole in this situation?

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