AITA for Refusing My Mother’s Request?

Feeling like YATA for Check out our quick advice if you really are or not. But before that, let's read first a similar story to reflect on from .

Growing up, my relationship with my mother had always been somewhat complicated. While we had our moments of closeness, there were also numerous disagreements and clashes.

Our differences in opinions and personalities often led to heated arguments. But even with all our ups and downs, I never imagined that one day I would have to question if I was the asshole for refusing her request.

The Family Gathering

It all started when my mother decided to plan a family gathering for her 60th birthday. It was a significant milestone, and she wanted to celebrate it in a big way.

My mother has always been the life of the party, and she wanted this event to be no different. She began reaching out to family and friends, planning the venue, menu, and decorations.

The Surprise Request

About a month before the big day, my mother approached me with a surprising request. She wanted me to sing at her birthday party.

Now, to provide some context, I’m an amateur musician. I play the guitar and sing for fun, but I’ve never performed in front of a large audience before.

I’ve always had stage fright, even when it came to performing in front of my own family.

My mother knew about my stage fright, and I had confided in her about it several times in the past. She was well aware that I had turned down opportunities to perform at smaller gatherings in the past.

However, she insisted that this was her special day and that my performance would make it even more memorable.

The Dilemma

I was torn. On one hand, it was my mother’s 60th birthday, and I wanted to make her happy. She had done so much for me throughout my life, and this was a chance to give something back.

On the other hand, I couldn’t shake off the feeling of anxiety and fear that came with the idea of performing in front of a large crowd.

I tried to come up with various compromises, suggesting that I could play a song without singing or that I could perform only for a brief moment.

But my mother was adamant. She wanted a full song with vocals, and she wanted me to practice to perfection.

The Pressure Mounts

As the days went by, my mother started to involve other family members in this matter. She shared her disappointment with my refusal and asked them to convince me to perform.

It seemed like everyone in the family was taking her side, insisting that I should do it to make her happy.

The pressure was intense, and I felt like I was being backed into a corner. The fear of letting my mother down battled with the fear of stepping onto that stage. The situation was taking a toll on me both emotionally and mentally.

The Final Decision

A week before the party, I sat down with my mother to discuss my decision. I explained, once again, how performing in front of a crowd would be extremely challenging for me due to my stage fright.

I offered to help in other ways, such as organizing the event or contributing financially. But she was not willing to consider any alternatives.

In the end, I had to refuse her request, and I could see the disappointment in her eyes. I felt like a terrible daughter, but I also knew that forcing myself to do something that caused so much anxiety was not healthy for me.


So, am I the asshole for refusing my mother’s request to perform at her 60th birthday party? It’s a complex situation with a mix of emotions.

On one hand, I understand that it was her special day, and she wanted it to be perfect. Her request came from a place of love, and I didn’t want to let her down.

However, on the other hand, I had been open about my stage fright, and I had offered alternative ways to make her celebration special.

In the end, I had to prioritize my own mental and emotional well-being. I couldn’t force myself to do something that would cause me so much distress, even for my mother’s happiness.

It was a difficult decision, but I believe it was the right one for me.

Now, it’s up to you to decide. Am I the asshole?

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