AITA for Leaving My Ex Homeless?

Feeling like YATA for Check out our quick advice if you really are or not. But before that, let's read first a similar story to reflect on from .

I met Alex in college, and we quickly fell head over heels for each other. Our love story was like something out of a romantic movie.

We were inseparable, always finishing each other’s sentences, making each other laugh, and supporting each other’s dreams.

We eventually moved in together, and it felt like we were on top of the world. But like many relationships, ours had its share of ups and downs.

The Downfall

The turning point came when we both faced significant challenges in our lives. I lost my job due to a company restructuring, and Alex’s startup business took a nosedive after a bad investment.

Suddenly, we found ourselves in a financial crisis. We began arguing constantly about money, which put immense strain on our relationship. The tension grew, and we could no longer find common ground.

The Breakup

After months of conflict and growing apart, we decided to break up. It was a painful and heart-wrenching decision.

We both knew it was for the best, but it didn’t make it any easier. We agreed to split our assets fairly, with Alex taking the car and me keeping the apartment.

The Dilemma

Alex’s Housing Situation

In the months that followed our breakup, Alex struggled to get back on their feet. Their business was still in shambles, and they were finding it nearly impossible to secure a stable source of income.

They moved into a small, rundown apartment, but the rent was high, and they fell behind. Soon, their landlord initiated the eviction process.

The Request

That’s when Alex came to me with a desperate plea. They had no family or close friends in the area, and they’d hit a dead-end financially.

They asked if they could move back into our old apartment temporarily until they could find a more stable situation.

My Dilemma

I was torn. On one hand, I still cared deeply for Alex. We had been through so much together, and I didn’t want to see them homeless. I knew that if I let them stay in the apartment, it would give them a lifeline, a chance to rebuild their life.

But on the other hand, our breakup was supposed to be a fresh start for both of us. I’d already found a new job and had been making progress in healing and moving on.

I feared that allowing Alex back into my life, even temporarily, might complicate things and reopen old wounds.

The Decision

My Concerns

After much contemplation, I decided to let Alex move back into the apartment. It wasn’t an easy decision. I was genuinely worried about the potential complications and emotional toll it could take on both of us.

But I couldn’t bear the thought of Alex being homeless. It went against my moral compass to turn my back on someone I had once loved and cared for deeply.

The Agreement

We set some ground rules to make this arrangement work. I insisted that Alex contribute to the rent and utilities, and we both agreed on a time frame for them to get back on their feet.

We also sought the advice of a couples’ counselor to help us navigate this tricky situation and manage our emotions.

The Fallout

Reopened Wounds

Having Alex back in my life was emotionally complex. While it was heartwarming to see them get back on their feet, it also rekindled some of the old feelings that I thought I had left behind.

We had a few arguments, but the couples’ counseling helped us address these issues constructively.

The Time Frame

The initial agreement was for Alex to stay for three months.

However, as the end of the period approached, it became apparent that they were not yet financially stable. They requested an extension, and I agreed, albeit with some hesitation.

Strained Finances

As the months went by, I found it increasingly challenging to manage the financial burden on my own. I was covering more than my share of the expenses, and it was taking a toll on my own progress and stability.

The Final Straw

A New Relationship

In the midst of all this, I met someone new. We started dating, and I found myself falling in love again.

This new relationship was different and healthier, but it made me realize that the situation with Alex was holding me back from fully moving on.

The Ultimatum

I approached Alex and explained that, for my own well-being and the sake of my new relationship, they needed to find alternative housing within the next two months.

I gave them an ultimatum because I couldn’t put my new love on hold any longer.

The Question

So, here’s the dilemma: Am I the asshole for leaving my ex homeless?

Short Discussion

On one hand, I allowed my ex, Alex, to move back into our old apartment when they were facing homelessness, out of a sense of responsibility and compassion. I set ground rules and provided them with a lifeline.

However, as time went on, their inability to get back on their feet became a strain on my finances and my personal life. Eventually, I gave them an ultimatum to find alternative housing.

Was this decision justified, given that I had to prioritize my own well-being and my new relationship?

Or should I have continued to support Alex until they were stable, even if it meant further complications in my own life?

It’s a complex moral dilemma, and I’m not sure if I made the right call.

What do you think? Am I the asshole in this situation?

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