AITA for Getting a Vasectomy Without Telling My Wife?

Feeling like YATA for Check out our quick advice if you really are or not. But before that, let's read first a similar story to reflect on from .

My name is Mike, and I’ve been married to my wife, Sarah, for seven years. We have two beautiful children, a five-year-old daughter, and a three-year-old son. Our life together has been full of ups and downs, just like any other marriage.

One thing that has remained constant, though, is our differing opinions on family planning.

From the early days of our relationship, Sarah and I discussed our dreams for the future. She’s always been eager to have a big family, while I’ve been more cautious. I love our kids, but I’ve never been sure if I wanted more than two.

Sarah, on the other hand, envisions a bustling household with at least four children.

Our disagreements over family size led to heated arguments. We compromised when we decided to have two children, agreeing that we’d revisit the subject in a few years.

However, as time went on, I became more and more certain that I didn’t want more kids. My career was demanding, and I felt overwhelmed with our current responsibilities.

The Decision

I didn’t take this decision lightly. I spent countless nights tossing and turning, contemplating whether to tell Sarah about my choice. The idea of getting a vasectomy began to take shape.

A vasectomy seemed like the most reliable and permanent form of contraception, and it would also save Sarah from the physical and emotional toll of other birth control methods. In my mind, it was a responsible decision.

So, one day, without discussing it with Sarah, I scheduled an appointment with a urologist to get a vasectomy. I went through with the procedure, knowing that the decision was irreversible.

I kept it a secret from Sarah, convincing myself that it would be easier to break the news once it was done.

The Deception

The day I had the vasectomy, I told Sarah that I was going on a work trip. I’d never lied to her before, so I felt awful about it.

But I couldn’t find the courage to tell her the truth. I thought it would devastate her, and I wasn’t prepared for the fallout.

The recovery from the vasectomy was painful, both physically and emotionally. I felt guilty for not being honest with my wife, but I held on to the hope that once she knew, she would understand why I’d done it.

The Discovery

I managed to keep my secret for a few weeks, but eventually, Sarah began to suspect something was wrong. She noticed that I was distant and preoccupied, and my reluctance to be intimate with her raised her suspicions.

One evening, she confronted me, demanding to know what was going on. I couldn’t lie to her anymore, so I confessed to getting a vasectomy without her knowledge.

Her reaction was immediate and intense. She was furious, hurt, and felt deeply betrayed. Our peaceful, loving relationship turned into a turbulent, emotional storm.

The Fallout

The aftermath of my confession was painful for both of us. Sarah couldn’t believe that I had made such a significant decision without involving her.

She was heartbroken, feeling that I’d robbed her of the opportunity to have more children. She also felt that I had undermined the foundation of trust in our marriage.

Our arguments became more frequent and intense. Sarah questioned my love and commitment to her and our family.

She accused me of being selfish and controlling. We had many sleepless nights filled with yelling and tears.

My Perspective

From my perspective, I had made this decision out of love and responsibility. I thought it would spare Sarah from the burden of additional pregnancies and childcare. I also believed it would allow us to focus on the happiness and well-being of our existing children.

In my mind, I was trying to be responsible for the family we already had, given the limited resources and time we had available.

I had genuinely believed that once Sarah understood my reasons, she might see the logic in my choice.


So, the question remains: AITA for getting a vasectomy without telling my wife?

Looking back, I realize that my decision was a major breach of trust and communication in our marriage. I deceived her and undermined her dreams and desires.

I can’t help but wonder if I should have been more open with her from the beginning, even if it meant facing difficult conversations and potential disagreements.

But I also believed I was acting in the best interests of our family, trying to prevent future conflicts and hardships. I genuinely thought I was making a responsible decision.

In the end, I can’t help but feel conflicted.

Was I the asshole for making such a life-altering decision without involving my wife? Or was I trying to protect our family’s future? What do you think?

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